Marriage
| 10/09/2007 Return to top |
Q015: I am a Christian woman and I have fallen in love with a Muslim man. We have both discussed marriage, but we realize there are many obstacles in our way. I understand that Islam allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian woman. However, his parents do no agree with our relationship because of cultural differences and because I am not Muslim. They have also already picked out a wife for him, but my "fiance" does not want to marry her. I have discussed converting but I am not ready to do so. I will only convert if God shows me the way and it is born in my heart. However, I have agreed and strongly believe that our children should be brought up in the Islamic belief. His father and my "fiance" have both performed isktahara regarding our marriage but had different results. His father had a very bad dream (nightmare) and my fiance did not see a dream but saw a positive sign during the 7 days. We are at a lose because now his father is determined to break us apart due to his dream. I don't know which was a result of God guidance. We have tried everything possible to be together but his parents still do not agree with our marriage and I will not marry my "fiance" until we get his family to agree with our relationship. I am afraid that we will end up splitting apart because of this. I really don't know what else to do. Should we get a third person to perform isktahara? If so, who would be the best person to perform it? An imam? Please let me know your opinion. Thank You. |
| 10/09/2007 | A015: Dear Sister, Peace be with you, I am very sorry for what you have been through. The decision relies on your fiance. If he loves you and believes in you, he should go a head and do his best to convince his parents. You can not make every thing by Istikharah. Istikharah after you evaluate the situation and knowing the advantages and disadvantages. Please have your fiance give me a call so I can get to know more about the issue. Good luck Sincerely, Imam Farooq |
| 12/27/2003 Return to top |
Q014: Assalamualaikum Your Eminence, I married my husband in Holy Haram late January this year. I married him without asking for anything, no Mahar or anything. He said he could not afford it and so I agreed. Initially we were fine until much later. He went back to India and he changed tremendously. Actually to be honest with you, he does not touch me. We are not intimate, and even when I ask for a hug and tenderness, he would refuse me. YES, he got satisfied each night the way he wishes to be satisfied, and because I fear since he does not touch me at all, he would go to someone else, so I agreed to satisfy him the way he wishes. I do not like the idea of him always watching BLUE MOVIES (pardon me sir) and always asking me to satisfy him. Mind you Sir, he does not touch me and even kissing me on the lips is like Taboo. This brought about a lot of resentment in me for him. I told his best friend, a couple, about our problem and he became upset therefore his disappearance. In our marriage life, there is no tenderness in him for me. He even refused to take me out and I am cooped up at home, cleaning, watching and serving his every needs. He does not give me anything, not even money. He knows that I am dying to be a mother but ever since his return from India (his niece was forcefully divorced by her husband and has a child), he has asked me to adopt the child, and yet we don't have any of our own. Yes, I must admit that I have inheritance which he is aware of, and still I LOVE HIM SO VERY MUCH and am willing to do anything for him. He does not desire me and this I know. I fear that in 6 months of marriage he already is PUT OFF by me (even though I look far younger than my age and take time to look good for him), what happens in 6 years? He is missing and I am afraid he would keep me as his wife (due to the inheritance) and yet I live apart from him. HE ALWAYS CLAIMS HIMSELF TO BE A VERY GOOD AND GOD FEARING MUSLEM but it is I who serve him dutifully. Please Help because I do love him so, Wassallam |
| 12/27/2003 | A014: Dear Sister Assalam Alikum Are you married by a marriage license? How long he has been missing? If you feel that he lives somewhere near, better to get in touch with him and ask him if he still needs you? If it is not then divorce yourself in the court. We wish you the best. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 12/24/2003 Return to top |
Q013: Hello, I'm in a difficult situation, and wondering if you could help. I'm a Christian, and I've been talking to a Muslim girl for about a year on the computer. I recently went to Egypt, to meet her, and we have fallen in love. Is it possible for us to have a relationship, or for us to get married, without hurting her religious beliefs? We pray all the time, hoping to find some way that we can be together, but we just don't know. Can you help me, with some answers? Also, I'm looking for an Arabic tutor. I would like to learn how to speak, read, and write Arabic. Is there anyone in your Mosque, that would be interested in tutoring? Thank you |
| 12/24/2003 | A013: Dear Brother Assalam Alikum In order for you to marry this girl, you need to first learn about Islam. Then, if it makes since to you and you will be willing to become Muslim, that should be done in order to marry a Muslim girl. At the same time, you need to talk to her family to see if they are in agreement with that or not? Yes, we have some tutors. Please try to contact me 419 874-3500, so we can get you in touch with some of them, or visit us at the Center. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 12/22/2003 Return to top |
Q012: Dear Imam, My wife of 3 years was talking to another man on the phone and thru email for 4 months. This happens to be her manager at work, the job I had got her. My wife has only been in the United States for two years. I was shocked to find this out. As far as I can see it was not a sexual relationship, it seems more like attention or flirting. See has admitted to me that she was alone in a room with him for two minutes but nothing happened ( I put her thru a lie detector and found this to be true ). I am confussed whether to work my marriage (we have a child together), or divorce and send her back to her parents. Is what she did considered cheating and if so is it Haram that I stay with her? |
| 12/22/2003 | A012: Dear Br. Assalam Alaikum Do not divorce your wife, there is no sign that she cheated on you. Nicely, ask her not to speak or call him any more and have her limit the relationship with him to work related things only. Keep an eye on her to see if she is improving or not. Have trust in your wife unless proven otherwise. God be with you to do what is right. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 12/16/2003 Return to top |
Q011: Asalamu Alakum, My wife, who used to be Catholic, converted to Islam a year before we got married in the town hall. Her parents don't know that she converted, but are planning to make us marry in a Catholic Church. When I first asked her parents to marry their daughter, they gave permission on one condition that we would marry in a Catholic Church and I thought back then that it was ok and I promised them that. Now, her parents are planning the wedding and investing a lot of money. My wife is begging me to just deal with the 30 min ceremony in the church and don't pay attention to what is said there since we're already married. This is only to please her parents and the rest of her family. The parents know that our kids will be raised Muslims. I feel that I am committing a big sin and my wife feels the same way. I suggested that after this, we could fast 2 months straight and ask Allah to forgive us. If I refuse I will have to divorce my wife. Please advise me what I should do and if fasting 2 months is enough to clear my sin... My wife has promised me that after this she will announce her conversion to her family. Thank you very much and my Allah bless you. |
| 12/16/2003 | A011: Dear Br. Assalam Alaikum I believe that the matter of marriage is up to you both. Your wife's family cannot decide on that for you. If your wife converted to Islam and she became a Muslimah, she should save you all that trouble with her family. Since both of you are Muslims why do you not sit together and talk it over. Since you are not marrying in a Mosque, why should you go to a Church? I think you need to make everything very clear. This is your life, both of you. So do not let any one decide for you. If you made an oath and you cannot fulfill it then you fast 3 days not 2 months. My best wishes. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 12/11/2003 Return to top |
Q010: Assalaamu Alaikum, Yes, you may publish my question. I know many Muslim couples who are married "in the religion" but not through the legal court process. Are these marriages recognized in the United States? Thank you. Assalaamu Alaikum |
| 12/11/2003 | A010: Assalam Alaikum It should be Ok. But this marriage must be documented by filling a marriage certificate, then the marriage is registered no one to deny it, but the Islamic certificate had been misused to get rid of their financial and moral responsibility. So this kind of marriage look like Orfi (Unregistered) marriage. God knows best. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 11/25/2003 Return to top |
Q009: Hi. I am a student doing a report in English class about some Middle Eastern culture. I was hoping you would be able to help me by answering some of my questions for my report. I was also hoping I could use your name in my report. Thank you. 1) Does your culture involve arranged marriages? 2) Are the people in your community allowed to choose who they want to marry? 3) Are there still people who believe in arranged marriages? 4) Do arranged marriages happen in the United States? 5) Is it common for a person of the Islamic faith to marry of their free will? 6) Are there areas in the United States where arranged marriages are more common than other areas? |
| 11/25/2003 | A009: Assalam Alaikum I am so pleased to be able to answer your question, and yes you can use my name on your report. 1- If you mean by "culture", Islamic culture, my answer is "No". Islam gives full freedom for the Muslim couple to select their spouses without any arrangement or pressure from the family, but that does not deny the fact of seeking advice and consultation with parents or family members. However, the final decision is up to the couple themselves. They are the ones who are getting married and will live together. 2-People in our community are just like every one else. They are allowed to marry whom they want. 3- As for the third question; I am not sure if some people believe arranged marriages still exist, but I assume yes, there are some people who still believe in that. They are very rare, especially among those who live in a tribal communities. 4-I do not think so. 5-It is not only common for a Muslim to marry by their free will, but it is the correct Islamic way for marriage. 6-I think the world has changed in the US and outside the US as well. I do not think that some areas in the United States or outside still live in isolation from the rest of the world. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 11/25/2003 Return to top |
Q008: Assalamu Alaikum, I do not like to eat rice everyday. I will put this into context with my curent situation i.e. a woman. I don't want to have more than one wife and I am afraid I might commit zinnah with another woman because of seeing the same person everyday. What should i do? Also, my friend has a question: Can you recommend a website that I can pass to a friend who is not Muslim who wants to learn the beliefs etc about Islam. Jazakallah |
| 11/25/2003 | A008: Assalam Alaikum Dear Br, People (Muslims and Non-Muslims) see many women in their daily life. They might admire some of them but it does not mean to marry them, treat the one you see every day as a sister or a friend (in the good meaning of the word) but your wife is your wife. There is a big difference between the food we eat and women we marry, no one like to eat rice every day, and also no one wants to change wives every day or even every year! My advice to you is to think about the good qualities in your wife. Try to make things appeal to you within your marital relationship. If you think that your wife does not update herself or does not look after hereself as a wife, there is no harm in talking to her about that, or have her call me, so I can give her some advice, or a friend or a parent. The real cause of this problem is when ROMANCE disappears from the house after several years of marriage. Some change in the mood and the house are badly needed. Do not change your rice, your rice tastes better for you. God bless you. Do not hisitate to call me at any time. You may refer your friend to our wibsite www.icg.org Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 11/15/2003 Return to top |
Q007: Assalamu Alaikum, I am going through a hard time Imam. I believe I am Muslim and have studied Islam before I was married, but my wife is a born again Christian and the rest of my family is Catholic. Anytime I read about Islam or mention it to my wife or family I am ridiculed. I have tried to attend her church and the Catholic church but I really do not feel it in my heart. When I read about Islam everything seems so easy to understand and I like how Islam is a way of life. I don't know how to fill my spiritual needs and continue my family. I know it ultimately is my decision, but I would appreciate some guidance from you. Thank you so much for your time Imam. |
| 11/15/2003 | A007: Dear Brother Assalam Alaikum From the way you talk about Islam I believe you are a Muslim. Islam is the religion of the upright nature of man. You can feel it and find it easily when you rid yourself from all kind of influences, and go back to your very nature with which God created you. Being a Muslim means that you make God lead your life in a very decent, honored and universal way. God will become the center of your life. Everything in Islam focuses on your sincerity with God. Mohammad and the rest of the Prophets like Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them all) are not gods but they are the great guides, teachers and the messengers of God Almighty to guide us, so we can follow their example. Taking a decision to become a Muslim is all up to you, maybe you need to study more, or sit with some one like myself to answer your questions, so when you come to decide everything then will be very clear for you. May Allah help you to make the right decision and guide your heart to His love. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 11/15/2003 Return to top |
Q006: Asalamu Alaikum Brother I read this article on this Islamic question and answer website about child marraiges , it really troubling me because I can't understand how a just religion like Islam can allow this. It says in child marraige the girl, upon reaching puberty, can be consummated without her consent. Does this mean she can be raped? Please please throw some light on this issue. Here is what it actually says: 'With regard to the wedding-party of a young married girl at the time of consummating the marriage, if the husband and the guardian of the girl agree upon something that will not cause harm to the young girl, then that may be done. If they disagree, then Ahmad and Abu â€~Ubayd say that once a girl reaches the age of nine then the marriage may be consummated even without her consent, but that does not apply in the case of who is younger.' Jajakamullah Khair |
| 11/15/2003 | A006: Assalam Alaikum Dear Brother What you had mentioned is absolutely untrue. How can someone, even a non-Muslim say that! A girl can not marry until she is mature enough to handle and understand marriage. No one, even the husband of a wife, can force her to have sex with him! How about being a young girl? Or being raped? Any marriage is not valid without the girl's consent. A father, brother or a guardian have no right to force her to marry. That is against Islam. Be careful of some of the websites that are maintained by some people who know nothing about Islam or Islamic jurisprudence except what they culturally practice, and as you know there is a big difference between Muslims and Islam. May Allah guide us all to be good representative of Islam. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 11/10/2003 Return to top |
Q005: Asalaam Alaikum Wrb, I came across some articles in which it says that in Islam you are allowed to capture slave girls and force them to have sex with you. Is this true? Please answer quickly as this issue is troubling me. Jajakamullah Khair |
| 11/10/2003 | A005: Assalam Alaikum I have been troubled with what you said in your question. That is not Islamic nor humane either. If you can tell me where you read that, I'll be very thankful to you. This never even happened at the time of Jaheleyyah (Pre-Islamic era). How can that happened in Islam? During the time of slavery, Islam promoted freeing slaves. If you read in the Quran you will find that freeing a slave is mentioned as a Kaffarah (Atonement) for almost every sin. Marrying the slave is just like marrying a free woman, "Any one who cannot afford to marry respectable believing matrons, should then seek one of your believing maids under your control. Each one of you has ties to others, so marry them with their family's consent and give them their marriage portions decently as matrons rather than taking them as mistresses, nor having any secret affairs with them as girlfriends." 4:25 I think that verse in Chapter Al-Nesaa is a good reference for you in that regard. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 11/07/2003 Return to top |
Q004: Asalaam Alaikum Wrb, I have a very important question to ask you. I really need help. I don't know who else to ask so please help me. I am a very happily married Muslim woman. My husband has recently started making a lot of new friends, some of them I consider to me undesirable Islamically. Due to their bad influence, he has begun to drink alcohol and smoke marijuana. He has been a good Muslim in the past, but now he does these haraam practices. He only smokes or drinks when he is in their company and no other times. I have begged and pleaded with him to stop. I have told him that it is a sin and have told him what the Qur'aan and hadith say about these intoxicants. He says that he knows that he is committing sin, but he wants to continue doing them anyway. I have used many arguments to try and get him to stop doing these things, but he gets angry when I say anything, even if I'm only advising him as a fellow Muslim and his wife, in his best interests. I was always happy with him before, but this is threatening our marriage. I feel sad that he is already doing such bad things and I worry that these things might lead to other bad and un-Islamic practices. Should I just make duaa for Allah to open his eyes and realize that he must stop as he is committing major sin, or should I give him to option and tell him that if he doesn't stop, this will ruin our marriage and I will end up leaving him? It makes me ill when I see him drinking or taking drugs. Please reply! |
| 11/07/2003 | A004: Assalam Alaikum I am sorry for what you have been going through. Keep trying with him, remind him of God's anger if he does not quit what he has been doing. Ask him what would he do if he died right now and he has no time to repent to Allah and fix himself up. Does he not think that he will be a looser? We do not want to loose you. Tell him those friends of his are his enemies, and they will lead him to self destruction, and later on they will never care about him. If he does not change his bad practice try to bring him to the Islamic Center, so we might be able to counsel him and help him out. But do not leave him for those evil forces to destroy him. Stay next to him, maybe from time to time you need to talk to them too. Tell them to get out of here and leave you and your husband alone. If they truly love God or have a religion they should not do what they are doing to themselves and to you. May Allah help you in this great task, if you ever feel that you need help in that regard please contact me. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 09/24/2003 Return to top |
Q003: Asalaam Alaikum Wrb, I live in US for several yrs since I got married and Alhumdulillah I have children and maashallah a good husband. For the past year or so my in-laws are asking us to move back to India with them. My husband is the only son (he has 2 sisters). We asked them to come to US & live with us for a couple of years after my sister-in-law gets married but they refuse. We are not able to move soon. There are many issues involved but the main concern being that of my in-laws' behaviour. My father-in-law is a very short tempered man and keeps criticizing my parents & family. My mother-in-law wants things her own way. My husband doesn't say a word to them because he doesn't want to disobey them. My feelings are hurt and I am very depressed most of the time when I am around them. My husband has great respect for them. I try to be as much patient as I can Alhumdulillah but I fear our relationship with each other (husband & me) as well as with my in-laws might get affected if we move there and I might lose my patience and this will make the situation even worse for all of us. Please let me know a way to handle my problem. Alhumdulillah we are financially taking care of his parents by sending money regularly. We also keep giving charity in their name. The hadith "May his nose be rubbed in dust to those who do not take care of their parents" & other sayings in the Quran about taking care of parents really scares me! I love Allah and my husband so much. I don't want to do anything that will bring us Allah's wrath. Is it alright to stay here in US or should we move back with them? Jazaak Allah bil Khair |
| 09/24/2003 | A003: Assalam Alaikum You and your husband have to decide what is best for you and your children. People travel for the wellbeing of their life and their future. Moving back to India, knowing that will bring you problems, is not the right decision. Your husband can still talk to his parents and explain to them about the benefit for all if he stays here and goes to visit them every year or so. Staying here will allow him to be able to assist them and others financially, since there are relatives there to take care of them, this means it is not necessary for him to move back. There is a way that he can adjust between his parents' demand and staying in US. So what is needed is how to approach his parents and explain to them his view. Personally, I do not see any compelling reason to move back to India. Most of Muslims here have relatives and parents back home, and they manage to maintain good relations with them. May God help you to overcome this difficulty. Yours, Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 02/18/2003 Return to top |
Q002: Asallamu Alaikum, I live here in Maumee, OH. I wanted to know if you held any sort of marriage services at the Perrysburg Mosque. If so, is there any cost and what other sort of arrangements are made or need to be made. I was interested in getting married at the mosque, so if you could please let me know in details about the marriage service asap, I would appreciate it alot. Sincerely |
| 02/18/2003 | A002: Assalamu Alaikum, Yes, we do have marriage services. There is a $100 fee for members and a $300 fee for non members, but we can make it for free for those who cannot pay that much. Please let me know by calling me at (419) 874-3500 so we can get your marriage scheduled. What we require is that the couple have a marriage license issued by the court and I'll be more than happy to perform your marriage ceremony. Yours; Imam Farooq Aboelzahab |
| 08/05/2001 Return to top |
Q001: Assalamo Alaikum, Please help me in resolving the following matter. Actually I am very much tense these days. The problem is that my parents did my engagement somewhere in our neighborhood. I just saw that girl once and she was quite acceptable. But I had not been in any kind of relationship with her before engagement. After a period of time after the engagement I thought to talk to her on phone so that we could better understand each other. Naturally, our emotions of talking to each other started to increase day by day. Once we planned to meet each other in some public place. From near, I saw her first time then. In short, due to these meetings and telephone conversations, we fell in love with each other, and we had also understood each other in a better way. I found that girl very much sincere, cooperative, caring and loving. Our marriage was planned. We both were very happy and were making future plans. Everything was running fine. After a period of engagement, suddenly the situation changed and my mother disapproved me to marry her. I was shocked to hear this. According to my assumptions, the first reason was that my family is quite Narrow Minded and hers Broad Minded. Secondly, my Mother wants to chat and talk a lot with anyone, whereas her mother is reserved, which enforces my mother to think that they are very rude people. My mother is just assuming that after marriage my fiance will force me to live separately, not in a combined family. These small problems created a very big clash between our families. But I want to ask you, what was our fault? Why are we being punished for this? She has considered me everything for her and I really love her. I also love my mother very much and don't want to leave her. I can do anything for her even can die for her. But I also love my fiance very much and don't want to leave her at any cost, after spending much time with her. One more thing I would like to mention to you that now-a-days I am performing some WAZAIF and sincerely praying to ALLAH for our marriage. Now I just believe in one thing that ALMIGHTY ALLAH is only now able to help me, because He is the only one who can do anything in this world. I just want my ALLAH to make my mother's heart soft and she would allow me to marry her and allow her to live together. Allah has given you a chance to help people and to enlighten their ways in the light of Holy Quran and Sunnah. I plead to you to kindly find out the way (any DUA, WAZAIF, WIRD etc.) by which my problem will be solved by the grace of ALLAH. Wassalam |
| 08/05/2001 | A001: Assalamu Alaikum, You did not give details about yourself and your fiance. However, if both of you are adults, Muslims and sane, you need no approval of any one. The decision is totally yours. A girl came to the prophet P.B.O.H saying: My father wants me to marry my cousin but I do not want to. The prophet said: Do what your father asked. Three times the prophet said that to the girl and her answer was always, I do not love my cousin. The prophet then said to her marry whomever you want. The girl said: I love my cousin O' prophet but I intended to
show parents that they have no right to interfere in the marital affairs
of their children. I hope this will answer your question.
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